How to write a eulogy: structure, examples and when it is read

Four parts are enough, and they help the speaker not to get lost when emotion arrives.

• The opening: who you are and how you knew the person. “I’m Luca, Anna’s grandson: for thirty years I spent my summers at her house in Brissago.”
• Who they were: two or three traits, each with an episode that shows it. One concrete story says more than ten adjectives.
• What they leave: a habit, a phrase, a lesson that stays with those who knew them.
• The farewell: a thank-you, to them and to everyone who came, and a last sentence addressed to them.

To begin: “It isn’t easy to stand here, but Anna would have wanted someone to tell the story of her summers by the lake, and today that’s me.”

For a memory: “Every Sunday she made risotto for everyone, even for those who turned up unannounced. There’s always room at the table, she used to say.”

To close: “Thank you, Nonna, for your patience and your stories. We say goodbye the way you said it to us: see you soon.”

These are only prompts: the best words are the ones you would use telling a friend about them.

Three to five minutes, that is one page to a page and a half in large print. Read it aloud at least once before the funeral: you will find where you stumble.

Print the text in a large font with wide line spacing; bring a spare copy and give it to someone close, who can carry on if you cannot.

Pausing, taking a sip of water, crying: it is normal and nobody will be surprised.

In the Catholic rite in Italian, after the introduction to the final commendation and farewell, and according to local customs approved by the diocesan bishop, brief words of Christian remembrance of the deceased may be added. The text is agreed beforehand and not read from the ambo; recorded texts or images and music foreign to the liturgy are avoided (CEI, Rito delle esequie, Precisazioni no. 6).

In Ticino, ask the parish priest how it is done in your parish: he can tell you when and from where to speak. At a civil funeral, or if the words are said at the cemetery or during a wake, there are no rules: the family decides.

The longer remembrance, with photos and anecdotes, also has its place afterwards: at the wake, at the reception or on the online memorial page, where it stays.

• Inside jokes only a few people understand: listeners feel left out.
• Family conflicts and judgements: this is not the moment.
• A list of dates and titles: the people who came already know the biography.
• Improvising: even good speakers need a sheet of paper that day.

The text of the eulogy is a precious memory for those who could not be there. You can share it with the family or publish it on the memorial page, where friends and relatives can read it again and add their own.